Jeff the Killer and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
by InsanelyA.D.D
Summary: Essentially this is the written version of my fan/webcomic series Jeffy and Johnny, which you can find by looking up my name on DA, if you think the chapter sizes are too daunting, or are interested in seeing the more visual version of it. ALSO: Creature Feature, more CreepyPastas, Invader ZIM, Welcome to Nightvale, MLP, and far more in future chapters. Pretty much a comedy.


A/N: This page will introduce you to our characters and how they met. It will omit the informal original introduction I did in the original comic as I made that first page more as a joke than anything, and now we have almost 100 pages. Also, since then I gave it a proper introduction, a prologue of sorts, which is what this is. The comic itself also features chapters with more or less self contained storyline that lead the characters from one chapter to the next. I know I wont be able to get the same expressions on the characters in this media form, but the plus side to using this one is I'll be able to better portray the mindsets of the characters.

**Chapter 1: Meeting**

Johnny walked the streets as it began to pour rain. "Man this 'vacation' sucks." He mumbled to himself. He had found no way to stop him from wanting or to stop the things that he wanted to stop needing. He was thinking about giving up when he happened to glance at a dark streak on the wall and was able to recognize it like any professional loony like him could. It was blood, smeared at about waist-level on the wall.

It led into an alley way, which was considerably less-littered in comparison to the other ones he had noticed while in this town. He looked down the alley, and was able to see a relatively large box with a small tarp on top which the blood led into. The rain grew more powerful, with wind whipping into the alley creating a powerful funnel of chilling air blasting right into his face, making him shiver slightly even in his trench coat.

He walked down the alley and as he approached the box he was able to see inside it. It looked like a small child, but he wasn't able to guess the gender because despite the masculine clothing and frame the figure also had long hair. He stopped about three feet from the child in the box, and he began to speak in a concerned tone.

"Hey kid, you okay? Or alive?" At that the kid in the box jumped a little in surprise before turning around as quickly as they could without straining their wounds.

"Huh?! Who are you?" The kid who is now identifiable as a boy looked up at Nny with large, darkly-rimmed eyes. But there was something wrong, the whites of them were the color blood, and the pupils which color was indistinguishable at this point were a murky pale green and clouded over.

Johnny gave a start, and his mouth opened a bit in shock. "Woah! What happened to you?!" He asked more concerned than ever. The eyes were probably an infection, but a very nasty one at that, so much so that he may have even permanently lost his sight at this point.

The gave him a look slightly confused, yet he wasn't really looking at him specifically, it seemed he was looking in his direction, but just over his shoulder.

"Hmm? What, my eyes?" He spoke softly with a young voice. "They're infected. Can you tell me how bad they are? I can't see..." As he spoke Nny noticed a cut going up from the corners of the buy's mouth to form a twisted smile, even though he was currently frowning. There was also cuts all over him, a few on his sides, one on his left forearm, his right bicep, his left shoulder, all cut.

Nny replied as the rain continued to pour down. "You know, the fact that you can't see should tell you how bad it is..."

"Oh," He said, just now the boy began to contemplate having to live blind for the rest of his life.

"How old are you kid?"

"I just turned 14." He responded, now thinking to himself about how _long_ he would have to live blind.

Johnny felt bad for him, and the poor kid probably wouldn't last very long in this freezing storm, especially when using a box for protection and with all of his injuries. So he thought up some way to help him. "I can't think of any way to say this without sounding like a creeper; I'm staying in a place out of the rain and if you want to come with I can get you some heavy-duty antibiotics for your eyes."

The boy in the box sat up. "Okay." he said before muttering so quietly that Johnny did not catch it. "Even though there's a hobo bleeding out in a dumpster over this box..." He then pulled up his hood and stepped out of his cardboard shelter and into the downpour. Now that he was in better lighting Johnny almost jumped from seeing the boy's skin, it looked like leather and was snow white, if only slightly dirtied by a lack of bathing.

Johnny, even though he was trying to help the kid, he did not feel like being touched, so he lifted the bottom of his trench coat and held it out to the kid. After a second he quickly remembered that for the moment the boy could not see, so he added, "Just take my coat, I'll lead."

The boy swatted his pale hand through the rain-filled air, his eyes moving uselessly. "Where is it?" He asked, before finally feeling his hand hit it, and latched on. The blood from his cuts through his once-white slightly over-sized hoodie was running down the fabric in pink streaks, but ultimately it did a nice job of preventing it from staining. By now they were both soaked by the rain that was now flooding the streets and filling their shoes.

As Johnny led him and the boy out of the alley and toward where he was currently staying they both thought at practically the same time. _'If he tries anything funny, I'll just kill him.'_

* * *

><p>After they had arrived at an abandoned hospital and Johnny found a barely destroyed mattress for Jeff to sit on, or maybe sleep if he was really tired. Johnny stood up to leave, but stopped at the doorway and turned looking at the young boy sitting in the corner staring at nothing.<p>

"Hope you don't mind, but this place is haunted." he said, the boy frowning a little bit at that. "Now stay here while I go look for medicine."

"Okay." He replied before Nny walked out.

After Johnny left he began to think about his situation. _'I don't like or trust this guy, I don't even know his freakin' name! He hasn't asked for mine either...but I mean seriously! What special brand of weird compels him to take a homeless blind kid to an abandoned, haunted, old hospital?! I just hope he's not the the kind of weird I'm thinking of..if he is, I'm screwed! ...No awful pun intended...I'm blind and my knife is stuck in that hobo's head...'_

Meanwhile Johnny was having a similar mental conversation as he looked through the hospital pharmacy _'There is something up with that kid, because 14 and homeless makes no sense, and because when I asked what happened he thought I meant his infection when I meant all of it! Those bleeding gashes, the crappy stitches on his cheeks, the burns around his eyes, and all of his pale, scarred skin...'_

The boy in question suddenly got a brilliant idea. _'Perfect idea! If he tries anything, I kill him! If he helps me get better, I kill him once I'm all fixed and healthy!' _He laughed a little out loud, imagining the other man's screams.

Johnny couldn't find anything useful in the hospital but he did see a pharmacy down the street. As Nny left the building he also got an idea, but it was a very different idea than the one Jeff had. _'I suppose that since this bullshit quest for freedom from emotion, temptation, and necessity hasn't really panned out I should do something productive...I wont even kill him if he's an ass tick, and I could treat his other injuries while I'm at it...'_

* * *

><p>About thirty minutes later Nny happily hopped into the room Jeff was trying to sleep in, he carried a stuffed sack over his shoulder, which sort of gave the impression of a bank-robber.<p>

"Hey kid! I couldn't find any, so I robbed the pharmacy down the street!" He announced cheerfully, pulling Jeff away from his tiredness.

"WHAT?!" He squeaked in his young voice, clearly alarmed.

"Oh, don't worry, no one can catch me!" He paused for a second remembering something important he forgot to ask. "Anyways, what's your name?"

"My name is Jeff." he said, a slightly worried expression on his blind face. _'He's crazier then I thought, almost as crazy as me!'_

"I'm Johnny, but you can call me Nny for short!" He said, smiling.

"You're name is Nny? Like the body part?" He spoke with a slightly amused and slightly confused.

"Yeah, it's pronounced the same but spelled differently." He said as he set down the bag and pulled out some special antibiotic eye-drops.

"Neat."

Johnny walked forward and pushed his hand against Jeff's forehead so he tilted his head back. "Now hold still, and keep your eyes open."

"Ha, like I have a choice," He said with his mutilated smile widening.

"What do you mean?" Johnny asked as he let three cool, medicated drops into one of Jeff's wide eyes.

"I don't have eyelids...anymore." He said as three more drops fell into the other eye.

Johnny's face became concerned at hearing this. "Oh, that's awful." He said genuinely feeling bad, and also wondering why he didn't think of it earlier. "Okay, it kind of looks like your wounds are infected, so I'm going to clean and dress your cuts then put in new stitches so the scar on your mouth isn't so jagged."

Jeff happily accepted the offer to prevent gangrene and removed his hoodie. "Okay. Hey! I can see kinda! Here, take my hoodie and hang it out in the rain before my blood stains." Johnny took it from him as Jeff attempted to squint and get a better view of his temporary care-taker.

"Wow, this thing smells like death." Johnny commented as he turned to leave. Jeff also came to the conclusion that Nny was a bunny of some sort because of the long pieces of hair-that he hadn't cut off since Hell-hanging in front of his face.

A little bit less than a week later Johnny walked back into the abandoned hospital, and was greeted by Jeff. Jeff still didn't have his hoodie back, so he was just standing near the entrance, with bandages wrapped around his arms and torso.

"Hey Johnny!" He greeted. "You're back? Did you get my hoodie? Did you get some food?"

Johnny smiled as he approached the eager teen. "Looks like you're feeling better; of course I brought food! If those infections didn't kill you, you would have starved." Soon he stood next to the shorter boy, before reaching into his backpack and pulling out the hoodie, now stain-free and nicely sewn-up in the places where the cuts had been. "Okay Jeff, here's your hoodie. I cleaned it and stitched it back together."

By now Jeff was beginning to think that his previous plan wasn't as great as he originally thought it was. _'Should I still kill him? He's been really nice to me...'_ He took the familiar hoodie and pulled it back over his head. The need to kill was burning through his brain though, so he decided to ignore his conscious for the time being. _'Well, I got my knife back just yesterday, and I haven't been able to see a fresh kill for over a month now. I think I've earned this.'_

At the moment Johnny had his back facing Jeff as he went through his backpack for the fast food he had stashed in there to keep it warm. Suddenly he got the oddest feeling that something...unpleasant was about to transpire.

Suddenly he heard Jeff whisper from behind him, in a pretty creepy voice for a little kid. "Go. To. Sleep." Suddenly a slicing, burning pain ripped through his spine, he felt cold steel bite his heart through his back. He fell forward, hitting the ground, coughing and spluttering slightly, before going still.

Jeff brought the blade up to his face, feeling the heat coming from the fresh blood. He smiled into his red-tinted reflection, before giving the blade an experimental lick. He regretted it almost immediately, because for some reason the man's blood was like pure ground cinnamon.

After he managed to ignore his burning tongue, he looked down at the body of the man that had card for him for the past week. He laughed, giddy at how easy it was to betray him, before turning to leave.

"H-hey." A weak, albeit _pissed_ sounding voice wheezed out from behind him. He snapped his head to look behind him, seeing the other man has turned around, sat up, and was wiping blood from his lips. "That was rude." The man stood, dusting himself off a bit as Jeff suddenly became hysterical.

"Y-you're alive!? That doesn't happen! When they 'Go To Sleep' they _stay_ asleep!" He backed up a half step, in shock.

"Hmm...you seem confused. I'm kind of Immortal-part of the job description I was never told about."

He calmed down for a half second, curious to learn what 'job' makes a person immortal. "J-job?"

"I sort of kill people, and guessing from my back pain, so do you." His back did still hurt from the stab wound, but even as he said the words the blood withdrew and returned into his body, the wound starting to seal, leaving no sign it had ever been there.

"So are you going to kill me now?" Jeff asked, slumping forward in defeat. This guys was immortal, he couldn't compete with that, he was almost dead a few days ago anyway.

Johnny paused, a resigned look took it's place on his features, with a small spark of frustration in his eyes. "As much as I would like to pull your eyes out of their sockets so you would have to watch as I disemboweled you, then fed you your own intestines...NO. I told myself I would kill you even if you were an ass-tick. But, you will be punished.."

An evil smile slid into place, and he got this look in his eyes that made Jeff want to jump out of the window, run and never look back. Even if the room they were in was in the third floor. Suddenly, he pulled out a tazer. "Then I'll teach you how to stab people."

* * *

><p><span><strong>Some Time Later...<strong>

Two ladies were walking down the street, dressed in torn black and neon clothing, with hair resembling that of a person who had just stuck a fork in a toaster. Their own hair and faces were also decorated-like a Christmas tree where your mom insisted on using _all_ of the ornaments-in black and neons.

One girl who was particularly busty snickered and spoke in a raspy yet, still clearly 'Valley Girl' sort of way. "Did you see that blue-haired freak and that fucked up little kid back there? That older guy is probs a pedo-bear or something."

Her friend who wore a shirt with the band name 'An Emo Band You'll Forget In 5 Years'. She pretty much had the word 'Sheep' ingrained into her very existence, made obvious as she laughed along with her friend. "The kid enjoys it too I bet."

"Heheh, IKR?"

Suddenly the bustier one of the two squealed, not from pain, but from the horror of what happened. A knife had gone clean through her torso and was sticking obviously out the front between her now comically deflated breasts. "AAH! MY IMPLANTS!" Famous last words right there.

Her friend seemed indifferent to the knife, much like the other girl. "Le gasp! You have implants?"

Quickly the knife was withdrawn, and the girl hit the ground, dead. The man holding the knife made a quick slicing arch with the blade, and slit the other girl's throat, and she fell too.

"I hope you bitches roast in Hell and choke on a bagel!" Johnny yelled at the corpses. Jeff was sort of confused by what he had just said, but didn't focus on that and he hoped that Nny didn't notice his hood was up. Well, too bad.

Nny turned his head and glared a little, "Hey, no hood! This is a part of your punishment!"

Jeff begrudgingly lowered the hood, revealing his mass of black hair all standing on end from the tazering he went through earlier.

As they walked away from the fresh bodies, Johnny decided it would be fine to ask a question that had been bothering him for the past few days. "So how and when did you go insane? You're pretty young to be a serial killer..." Jeff only barely heard the question as he observed the small hole in his jacket from where he stabbed him, and nothing more.

When Jeff finally recalled what Nny had asked, he frowned, saddened by the memories.

"Well, it started about six months ago...my family had just moved. On my first day of school, while we were waiting for the bus, some jerks pulled out some knives and said we had to pay to ride the bus. We wouldn't so they were about to attack us, and something inside me made me attack them. I broke one of their arms, and cut them up with their knives. Then those idiots told the cops what happened, but the pigs arrested my brother Liu instead of me."

He took a sharp breath in, recalling the events that caused him to snap. "The next week my mom made me go to the neighbors birthday party to cheer me up or something. Those jerks crashed the party, an pulled out freakin' guns! Those kids were twelve! Then the head jerk started to beat the crap out of me, calling me a jerk for letting Liu go to jail for me. That made me snap, I was able to get up and beat him to death, then I killed his friend. The last guy was able to set me on fire before he died because I was covered in an booze and bleach. That's why I'm so pale, and why my hair is black, it used to be brown." He paused, trying to recall what he used to look like. even though it hadn't really been that long, he could barely remember.

"It took a month for my skin to heal, and when I got to see my new face I was so happy. It matched my new state of mind perfectly. I couldn't stop smiling, it hurt after a while so that night I took a knife from the kitchen and gave myself a permanent smile. Then I felt sleepy, but if I closed my eyes, I couldn't see my beautiful face, so I plugged in mom's curling iron and held it to my eyelids until they fell off. It hurt so much, I dropped the iron and yelled a bit. That woke my mom up, and when she saw me she look scared, but she said I was beautiful. The she said she was going to wake up dad so he could see my face." He began to cry-despite the burned eyelids-knowing what happened next.

"I followed her, and when she woke him up, she told him to get the gun! They were going to shoot me!" He managed to choke out between sobs, as he threw his arms around Johnny, mostly in a desperate attempt to keep himself standing. "They didn't love me anymore! SO I KILLED THEM! Then I knew Liu would hate me for killing mom and dad! So I snuck into his room and slit his throat-" He pulled away to look up at Johnny, tears streaming down his face. "SO HE WOULDN'T HATE ME LIKE MOMMY AND DADDY! HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS ME, IT WAS SO FAST!"

Suddenly his knees gave out, dragging him and Johnny down to the dirty sidewalk. He sobbed and hiccuped into Johnny's shoulder, which he allowed despite the fact that he hated touching. He decided that at the moment it wouldn't be good to push him away. Johnny pulled his arms around Jeff with only mild reluctance.

"Why do they hate me?" He cried, the sudden coherent words startled Nny for a brief second.

"Hey, hey. Um..." He wasn't very good with cheering people up, or any kind of positive reassurance, "It's alright, just be happy you still have memories from when they loved you. I can't even remember if I had parents at one point, or even siblings. You still have memories of them, and you know they did love you, that's a great thing." He smiled thinking of an idea, pulling away, and setting a hand on Jeff's shoulder.

"I know, since I don't want to see you living in that box, you can come live with me. _And_ I'll teach you all sorts of things about killing people."

He sniffed, trying to smile, "Okay."

* * *

><p>The next day they had packed their things and were walking through the woods as Nny attempted to find the direction that led home. Jeff was just following, hoping that the adult knew what he was doing, while also trying not to think about the question that was gnawing at his mind more than the feeling that compels him to murder.<p>

Finally, Jeff just couldn't contain it anymore, and quickly asked the question that was on his mind. "So, when did you know you were immortal?"

Johnny replied without hesitation, as if he'd been expecting the question. "Well, for a while I was suicidal, but every time I tried to kill myself something would get in the way. If I tried to hang myself, the rope would snap. Blow my brains out? The gun would jam. I once tried to fry myself with that tazer I zapped you with, but it wasn't charged enough."

Jeff pulled a concerned expression at the part where he was told that the tazer could have been fatal.

"Or I'd get distracted and go do something else. Then, one day, I died. I hooked up a robot arm to my phone and set it to that if someone called, when I picked up the phone it would shoot me in the head. Same thing if I tried to turn it off. Then someone actually called me."

"So, long story short-I was shot in the head and I didn't even die. Then an unspeakable definitely not moose monster escaped from a wall that I have to paint with blood to prevent it from leaving. The Doughboys (some head-voices of mine) came to life and started walking around, as well as two people I had kidnapped breaking loose. Some other shit happened, the guy beat my face in, and I finally died! What's really funny is I ended up in Heaven; that place needs a cleanup crew." He said laughing a little bit, while Jeff just looked up at him in confusion.

"St. Peter threw up because of the list of all the awful things I've done next to my name, so I got past the pearly gates and met God. We had an argument then he fell asleep. After that I met a tour guide who wanted to get in my pants or something. She showed me around and said we have special brain powers, so I started blowing up people's heads. Some dead guy got mad and we had a head-explodey war, then a nun got mad and exploded everybody's head. I got sent to Hell, I met Satan, and he explained what I am-which is a Waste-Lock; I'm basically the janitor of negative human energy. He said that I'd have to stay in hell until the universe was re-booted."

Jeff was really weirded out now, exploding heads in Heaven; Vomiting angels; Satan being some chill guy who's willing to exposit your reason for existing? It was pretty surreal for him.

"Everyone in Hell suffers, not because of eternal fire, but because any little thing would make them fly off the handle with exaggerated, self-imposed suffering. They make some damn good bagels though." He took a second to breathe before continuing at such a fast pace that it was almost difficult to understand what he was saying.

"Then I came back to life with no hair except these 'bunny-ears'. A stalker of mine dropped by, admitted to raping some poor girl, and the police blamed it on me. I eviscerated him with some hooks before smashing his face in with a sledge hammer. Blah, blah, blah, I decided it was time for me to go on a 'vacation', to see if I could rid myself of emotion. I'm sure you noticed I don't have a car. That's because a few weeks after I left a semi hit my car; the coroner said I burned to death. Three days later I pulled myself out of one of the drawers they keep unidentified bodies in. You see, after I died I would have gotten right back up, but I hadn't slept for ten months, so I just slipped into a mini-coma and slept in my crispy burnt-up shell. I found my wrecked car and put everything I could save in my backpack."

Jeff leaned forward to see the manic glint in Nny's eyes before commenting, "You know, that was pretty cool, but now you kind scare me..."

Johnny heard all of what he said, but before he could process it, he saw something. "Hey! A road! Do you wanna steal a car?! C'mon Jeff, let's go steak a car!" Jeff then gave him the biggest WHAT THE HELL face he could manage before Nny pulled him towards the oncoming traffic.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Jeff, thanks for stabbing the guy who hit me with this car. If you didn't we might of had to wait for the next one." Johnny said, looking right at Jeff the whole time, while scaring the piss out of the poor boy with his reckless driving.<p>

"Your welcome," He said hastily while clinging to his seat belt for dear life. "Just, please watch the road! I'm not immortal!"

* * *

><p>After five weeks of driving around, seeing the sights, and not really rushing to get home, Nny found his way back to the dilapidated, squat house and saw that it was in virtually the same condition as he left it, except now the lawn had grown in, and the 'seeds' he had planted had grown. So did Jeff and Johnny's hair, it was long, and, might I add, fabulous.<p>

"Hey! We're here!" Johnny was very excited to be back home, even if the place was a dump. "We should probably clean it up, but I think a haircut should be up first..." He said, commenting on how long their hair had grown.

Jeff took a good look at the grey painted brick house, with the crumbling walls, broken boarded up windows, cracks running throughout, an insane amount of water damage, and the over grown lawn, with...watermelon, cabbage, and broccoli growing out of it? "Your right, this place is a mess...hey what's with the plants?"

"I put seeds in the open chest cavities of my victims so I could grow a garden. Glad it worked."

Thirty minutes later they had finished cutting their hair, well, Johnny cut his and Jeff's while Jeff wore goggles to keep it from getting in his eyes. Johnny also explained what the house was like, while laying down some ground rules.

"So, you're saying that this house has probably an infinite amount of levels and rooms, fully stocked with weapons and torture devices, and it also constantly re-arranges itself?"

"Yep."

"You also only want me to kill people who are mean?"

Yes. You can bring them back here to torture them if you want, it's a lot more fun that way." He finally snipped the last overgrown lock of hair on Jeff's head.

"Okay, done! Now, all we have to do is, 1! Clean out the corpses and make a few small repairs. 2! Find a room to put your stuff in. And 3! Go out so we can find 'friends' and have some _INTENSE FUN!_"

* * *

><p>AN: There we go, the first chapter, done. It has so much words. But really, if anything, it is actually more accurately the same length as a chapter in an actual book.

So this us the written version of my Jeffy And Johnny comic series, which you can find on DA. The next chapter will have two of the pages omitted as they are both unimportant, not funny, and irrelevant. If you want to read the unworthy pages, just check out my DeviantART account, InsanelyADD. There is also more pages finished there. I will only ever post a chapter here once that chapter of the comics is finished, so if you want more, but don't want to wait for me to write it, or finish the comic chapter, go read it on DA. :)


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